Audeamus
by Ardesca
Summary: In which friendships are made, loyalties are defined, secrets are revealed, hearts are broken and Remus Lupin experiences the best and possibly worst times of his life.


Audeamus

Chapter One

Nec Temere Nec Timide

_Neither Reckless nor Timid_

The sky was an unhappy grey on September 1st, 1971. At 10:30 AM, the train station bustled with the usual dreary, ordinary Muggles dragging dreary, ordinary luggage cases behind them on their way to a business meeting or a conference or whatever else the non-magic folks deemed important enough to take time out of their busy work schedule at the office for. They were so preoccupied with the outrageous cost of tickets and the simply _bothersome _crowd that they didn't notice the occasion group of people, donned in robes or lugging caged owls, heading straight for a brick column in the middle of the train station. However, if they had, they would have been even more astounded when the strangely dressed characters passed straight through the bricks and disappeared from sight.

Even though he had been standing quietly near the cleverly disguised entrance to Platform 9¾ for almost fifteen minutes, Remus Lupin couldn't quite bring himself to push his cart (and himself) through. He knew the train would be pulling out of the station at exactly and no later than 11 o'clock, but the sinking feeling in his stomach—even though both his parents had attended Hogwarts in their youth, and assured him he would do well—reminded him that he had absolutely no idea what to do once he entered the platform. He knew no other students, had no one to sit on the train with. And it wasn't just because of his "condition." Remus had always been a shy child, never expressing any interest in playmates; he kept to himself, spending his time inside reading any book he could get his hands on or simply staring out the window, deep in thought. At times, this had worried his parents, but eventually they realized this was just his nature; but after he was bitten, they never _stopped_ worrying. It amazed him that he was even allowed to attend school, but Dumbledore—the headmaster—had devised some sort of plan with his parents that would allegedly be explained to Remus once he reached the school. He watched as two giggling girls glide through the bricks, and his chest fluttered with excitement, and glancing up at the clock—10:45—he realized he'd better get himself onto the train before it left him. Just as he was about to slip through the bricks, though, he felt himself collide with something. Thinking for some reason couldn't make it onto the platform, he began to panic, until he saw that he had not collided with the pillar but with another student, whose belongings, along with his, were now strewn across the floor.

"Oh, bugger. Those were new textbooks, too," the boy said, rubbing the back of his neck and grinning.

Remus started to apologize profusely, but he was cut off by laughter.

"Only joking." He jumped and offered his hand out to Remus, who gratefully took it and pulled himself up. Though they looked to be about the same age, under the black hair that fell around his face was an impish sparkle in the boy's dark eyes that completed contrasted Remus' nervous grey eyes (which seemed more suitable for an old man than an eleven year old boy).

"Oh, sor—" he began again, but stopped himself. "Is this your first time, too?"

The boy started laughing hysterically, but Remus couldn't figure out why. When he finally managed to calm himself, he replied, "Yeah, name's Sirius. Black. You?"

"Remus Lupin," he answered as they gathered up their things. Sirius grinned and made his way through the platform, Remus following close behind. He felt lucky to have found someone willing to talk to him.

"All right, then?" Sirius said as Remus opened his eyes and found himself in the middle of an even larger crowd, full of crying and laughing parents hugging their children. The younger witches and wizards looked nervous and excited at the same time, while the older ones were trying to avoid their parents' constant shower of kisses. Then his eyes fell upon the majestic dark red train that sat in the center of it all, simply labeled, "The Hogwarts Express." Remus had never seen anything more elegant—and intimidating—in his life. _If this was the train, what would the castle itself be like?_ he wondered. They handed their luggage to several older wizards and the dark haired boy motioned for him to board the train.

"Don't you want to say goodbye to your parents?" he asked. His parents had wanted to see him off at the train, but he had assured them that he would be fine; now he was beginning to regret it.

Sirius's face flashed something, Remus couldn't quite tell what, before returning to its regular mischievous expression.

"Nah," he said. "I told 'em goodbye before you plowed me over."

Remus laughed and followed climbed up after him. They shuffled past the gossiping students—he noticed Sirius winking at a couple of older students, much to his amusement—until they found an empty compartment. It was simple, with two leather seats facing each other, two overhead compartments, and a window. They pulled the door shut and sat down. Not two minutes later, the train jerked forward and began to move. Someone tapped on their door, then slid it open.

"All right if I sit with you lot?" asked a boy with messy brown hair and glasses. Before either of them had a chance to reply, the door snapped shut and he was sitting next to Remus, grinning. "Just ran into somebody named Snivillus. _Snivillus. _Can you believe it? He's a Slytherin for sure. No doubt I'll be in Gryffindor. That girl that was with him, though, I hope she doesn't end up with those Slytherin gits. She was cute."

Remus highly doubted that his name was actually Snivillus, but the newcomer continued on before he could inquire.

"Potter. James Potter." He mussed up the back of his hair just as two girls walked by, glancing into the compartment and giggling.

Sirius seemed bemused, however. "Sirius Black."

They both looked at Remus, who after a moment he realized were waiting for him to introduce himself.

"Remus Lupin," he said. They grinned, then James mentioned something about Quidditch and he and Sirius began chatting amongst themselves, giving Remus a chance to catch his breath and collect himself. The pangs of anxiety that had been bothering him for the past couple days had been replaced with something he couldn't quite identify. He wasn't used to such warm welcomes, but then he remembered they had no idea there was anything wrong with him. Back at home, he was something of a joke among his parents' crowd (though they refused to admit it), and those were the kinder ones. Still, he wasn't going to ruin his chance for friends, even if it most likely wouldn't last. No use dreading the inevitable. Snapping himself out of it, he let himself push all thoughts into a tidy corner in his mind and slip back into the conversation.

It was nightfall before the train started to slow down. James, Sirius and Remus had changed into their robes along with the rest of the students and were eagerly discussing which house they hoped to be sorted into. James made it obvious that he thought he was a shoe-in for Gryffindor, and Sirius said it made no difference as long as it wasn't Slytherin. When questioned about this, he scowled and said he didn't want to be in the same house as the rest of his family, explaining no further. Remus didn't know which house he preferred; he had never been particularly cunning, or brave. He supposed he might end up in Ravenclaw, which he had heard held the rather studious witches and wizards. James seemed disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm, so the small blonde boy tried his best to sound more excited. Just as the train reached a halt, Remus glanced out the window and found himself staring at the silhouette of a magnificent castle overlooking a large and eerie lake. The first years began uttering excited comments back and forth as they loaded onto wooden boats to cross the lake. Even Remus couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the sight, but the aura quickly went from exciting to ill-omened as his eyes fell upon the moon's reflection in the lake. It was only a few days until full moon.

"Come on," Sirius said, nudging the dismayed blonde with his elbow. The three climbed onto a boat that glided forward as soon as they sat down (Remus figured it must've been enchanted, as all the boats did this). After reaching the other side of the lake, they were led by a tall, thin woman dressed in velvet green robes and a pointed hat through two enormous wooden doors. The first thing Remus noticed was the ceiling, which seemed to continue on for miles; they didn't have much time to ogle at the entrance, however, because the woman ushered them through another set of doors and into a crowded hall. Chattering students were seated at four long tables, and at an even larger table sat several adults dressed in elegant, flowing robes. In front of a large podium stood a man with a long, snow white beard, wearing a pleasant grin on his face. The woman who brought them then ordered them to wait there and walked up beside the smiling man and picked up an old, tattered hat. Remus thought nothing of it until it began to move in her hands, and then, much to his astonishment, sing. The song seemed to last for about ten minutes, introducing a brief history of the school and the four houses. He was grateful when it finished—and not just because his feet were beginning to sore, for he was also growing incredibly anxious.

"We will now begin with the sorting process," said Dumbledore, whose grin had remained throughout the entire song. "After your name is called, please walk up and sit on the stool. Our good friend the sorting hat will place you in the house that you will remain in for the next seven years here. Once he does, you will sit at your respective table, which you will be able to identify by the amount of cheering." His eyes sparkled as he observed the new—and slightly frightened—students, before he sat down in the center of the table. The woman in green called out the first name, and a girl nervously walked up to the stool. The hat was placed upon her head, and a moment later, it shouted, "HUFFLEPUFF!" She smiled and quickly sat down with her new house.

Sirius was one of the first to be sorted, and much to his delight (and James', who was cheering wildly) was placed in Gryffindor. Remus couldn't help but notice the stocky silence that seemed to vibrate from the Slytherin table, but no one else was paying attention. A few more students were seated, and then it was his turn to push through the crowd of students and climb up the steps. He sat down on the stool, staring at the floor fixedly. He felt the hat placed on his head; it was nothing like any other hat he had worn. It felt warm, like something alive, and seemed to be _breathing. _It was an odd feeling, to say the least.

"Remus Lupin, is it?" the hat said.

"Y-yes…" Remus muttered, wondering if he was supposed to orally reply or if it could read his thoughts.

"A very fitting name," it mused. "But where to put you?"

_Where people will like me, _he thought, and then realized how silly it sounded and didn't say it aloud.

"So that is what you want most…but it does not solve the dilemma…"

Remus let out a sigh. The hat would decide he didn't fit into _any _house, and he'd be sent home. It figured. But the hat continued.

"Peculiar…The path here has not been a smooth one for you, and yet you have held your head high…which is why I must go with my gut feeling…my gut feeling. I don't even have a gut!" The hat chuckled and Remus attempted to shout at the hat in his mind. "Alright, then," it said. "Better be GRYFFINDOR!"

The students cheered, no more and no less than they had for any other student. They hadn't noticed how long it had taken the sorting hat to decide, or maybe it hadn't taken a long time at all. Shakily he stood up and walked down the steps. He went to sit at the end of the table, but Sirius waved him over and he went and sat next to him, quietly acknowledging the Gryffindors' congratulations.

James went after a short, plump boy named Peter (a Gryffindor) and as he had predicted, was placed into Gryffindor as well. The sorting finished, and Dumbledore returned to his podium.

"Now that you have all been placed into your houses, I have a few rules to address. The forbidden forest is out of bounds for students of all ages. Hogsmeade visits are for students years 3-7, no exceptions. You will be given your schedule tomorrow morning. And now, I have a few finishing words: Igloo, lemondrop, and warmbleshoop. I wish you all the very best."

Remus thought he saw Dumbledore watching him when he said this, but he wasn't sure. A deluxe feast appeared on all the tables, and students began stuffing themselves. Remus picked at a piece of turkey, still thinking about what the sorting hat said.

"You okay?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, fine. Just anxious. You know. Too see our schedules."

Sirius nodded, eyeing the blonde suspiciously. Remus gave an assuring smile and took a bite out of his food for effect.

When the meal was finished, several Prefects began rustling up the first years. The witch in green robes—whose name was McGonagall, Remus had learned—motioned for him to walk over to her.

"The headmaster will see you now," she said. "I shall escort you to his office."

Remus followed her silently through the corridors—he could hear the faint murmur of chattering students—until they reached a statue of large golden lion with silver wings.

"Lemondrop," said McGonagall.

"Sorry?" Remus said, but realized it was the password when the statue began to slowly turn and a staircase appeared. The old woman motioned for him to enter, and he did. Nervously, he climbed the stairs and knocked on the door quietly. It opened to a large room filled with miscellaneous objects: books, globes, and random other items that Remus didn't recognize; the sorting hat (which appeared to be snoring) was sitting on a large wooden desk. The one thing the room was lacking, however, was the headmaster, who moments later entered behind Remus.

"All that shouting and singing must have worn him out," Dumbledore said, chuckling. Remus grinned weakly, watching as the old man walked over to his desk and sat down. "Are you enjoying Hogwarts, Remus?" the man asked.

"It's incredible," he answered honestly, glancing out the window at the moon. "But…"

Dumbledore nodded knowingly. "The full moon is coming up, isn't it?"

Remus nodded. "Sir, what exactly am I going to do about..?"

"We've set up a shack near Hogsmeade. To get to it, you tap the trunk of the Whomping Willow with your wand, and it will open to a path that leads directly to it. All the teachers have been informed, so the only people you have to worry about are your classmates. With the amount of activity during the day, however, they'll probably be in bed before it's necessary for you to sneak out. Do you have any questions?"

Remus shook his head and turned to leave.

"And Remus…"

"Yes, sir?"

"You will find that those closest to you will be the ones to come through in the end," he said, with no hint of explaining further.

"Thank you, sir," Remus said, highly confused. As he was leaving, he thought he heard Dumbledore say, "Good luck."

"Where'd you go?" James asked as Remus entered the common room.

"Oh…the restroom. I wasn't feeling too well," he said, walking over to his bed. The stout boy who was sorted before James waved at him.

"I'm Peter," he said happily. Remus blinked.

"Remus Lupin," he said, smiling weakly. Quickly he threw on his pajamas and laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Sirius and James started talking to Peter, and he closed his eyes. Eventually, the chatter died down and the others fell asleep. A mixture of anxiety, excitement, hope and dread kept Remus awake for several hours until he finally drifted off to sleep.


End file.
